A father deciding he will not be paying for his daughter’s wedding over his wife not being invited has left the internet torn in a new social media post.
A man under the anonymous username u/User2000gains shared his story to Reddit‘s notorious forum r/AmITheA**hole in hopes of getting the opinions of many to help him decide if he made a mistake. The popular post has over 10,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments.
U/User2000gains began his story by explaining that his daughter is getting married in the fall and he agreed to pay for the wedding. He submitted the payments through his bank—which have yet to be approved so nothing has been paid for yet.
When he received the save the date cards, he noticed that his wife wasn’t invited. The original poster (OP) got divorced 15 years ago and got remarried seven years later. He explained that his daughter doesn’t particularly like his wife as they never got along. However, his other kids adore her.
He wrote, “I called my daughter and asked her why my wife isn’t invited. She said that it’s her wedding day and she only wants to invite her real family. I said ‘well did you invite Mom’s BF?’ and she said yes. I said ‘well okay, then you should invite My Wife too, or I am not paying for the wedding.’
“She declined and said she isn’t inviting my wife. I told her I’ll cancel the payments then, and she didn’t believe me. I cancelled them and my daughter is now super pissed at me, as is my ex wife , he continued.
Are you in a similar position and are hesitant on inviting one, or both, of your parent’s significant others to your wedding? If they are paying for your wedding, they should be able to bring a plus-one, especially if it’s a serious relationship.
“Consider if the parent is paying for any portion of the weddingI call these folks ‘The Board’ because they’re investing in your wedding and as such, they have power,” Elisabeth Kramer, author and day-of wedding coordinator told Brides“This doesn’t mean you have to invite someone just because someone on The Board wants them there, but that we do need to consider that context.”
However, when it is okay to not invite one of your parent’s significant others? Brides suggests that you be honest and have sympathy when you talk to your parents to discuss the seriousness of their relationship. If the relationship only began and they aren’t sure if it’s a long-term relationship, it is probably okay not to invite them.
While many Reddit users agree with the OP, others argue that no one is at fault.
“[Not the a**hole]. You didn’t ask for your wife to be part of the wedding party, just a guest. Your daughter has the right to not invite your wife but then she has to pay for her wedding,” u/MaryAnne0601 received the top comment with over 10,000 upvotes.
“I feel like this is her denying her Dad a +1. Which seems just weird,” u/ProfessionalSir9978 replied.
U/Without-Reward also questioned, “Also seems pretty weird that her mom’s boyfriend is invited yet dad’s wife of 8 years isn’t?”
U/dmawad said, “[Not the a**hole]. Your daughter is being flat out rude. And where she has the right to decide who’s invited, you have the right to decide not to pay. Stick to your guns and I wouldn’t go back and agree to pay if she decides to invite your wife. She’ll take your money and make it hell on your wife. She’s not going to suddenly decide to start playing nice. Let the mom’s bf pay. She obviously thinks of him as family.”
“[Not the a**hole]. She has every right to decide who is at her wedding but you have every right to decide to support your wife in this. Especially if she doesn’t like her simply because you married after her mother,” u/chill_stoner_0604 wrote.
U/Plenty_Lengthiness explained, “[Not the a**hole] – why should you, and presumably your wife, pay for something that she’s not invited to. That’s not how it works. If she wants to exclude your wife then she can pay for it herself.”
“[No one is the a**hole]. Your money and you get to spend it how you want. Your daughter can decide who she wants at her wedding and you can decide not to pay for it,” u/LuckStrict6000 exclaimed.
“[No one is the a**hole]-she’s not obligated to invite your wife and you are not obligated to pay or attend without your wife,” u/spaceyjaycey said.
Newsweek has reached out to u/User2000gains for comment.